restlessness

the walls are screaming (or is it the children screaming)
they are closing in

an unwelcome guest
in the only place I have to call home
it is not my home
I am just visiting…….a long visit
too long

the tension, the peripheral glares,
the huffing and sighing
the forced smiles -
that mean I can hardly stand your presence
the not so straight forward comments (was I just insulted?)
it builds and builds,
so I hide in my tiny space

my salvation is my occupation
and my preoccupation
and it too wearies me
but I love it
and I hate it
and some day it really will save me
and presently it does

and my fantasies save my sanity
lest the cliff tempts me
with the not so far drop to freedom

but I wonder, if the promised land is too a mirage
will new walls cage me in?

maybe my promise land is within
god help me find it again
but not yet